If only they would…

I wanna cuss and scream and let these feelings out, but they are rooted in so deeply that it keeps me filled with doubt. I’m nowhere close to normal but you try to make it so with wishful selfish feelings that you force on me to grow. I’m never going to be nor was I […]

Walking between the walls

I am just going to write you a little poetry this time around. Here I go. Everything looks familiar, like I have been here before. Yet I’ve been walking on this journey now but I still can’t find a door. Surrounded by these walls and not a single day goes by, where I haven’t fallen […]

The thing about change

When I think about my life consistency is not a word I would ever use. However one word that is consistent in my life is change. I am consistently going through change and I don’t do change well. I am truly sorry to everyone internet and physical folks for anything I post over the next […]

The Noise

First off let me say I’m sorry for not posting for a while. You see part of this disorder is mood disorder, mine being bipolar type 1 rapid cycling. This means I have manic phases and I have depressive phases and they interchange very quickly from one to another. That doesn’t mean the phases are […]

The Choice To Share

Most of the time I get asked why do I share so openly about my disorder. To answer that I simply say I need a reminders that my disorder is real. Also, I hope someone can see my ups and downs and it helps them to see that it’s not a life-ending sentence they’ve been […]

What Helps Me?

A long time without knowing I was formally diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder in March of 2011. However that is not when things started to get better. For starters, my schizoaffective disorder is essentially a mix of schizophrenic symptoms and bipolar symptoms. In my case it was paranoia and delusions, mixed with bipolar depression and manic […]